Wow-
One week down already. I'm up money -but its irrelevant. If I was able to stay at the track I could have made some serious cash on Sunday. I haven't been able to settle my mind down since those people pulled that shit on Opening Day by not getting a table that I've been sitting at for 10 years. I am having a very hard time mentally. I get flustered very quickly. I haven't sat in the same place twice in the six days. The peaceful world that I experienced has evaporated. It really sucks to wait all year for this and to feel so uncomfortable. I can't shake it so far. Its affecting me everywhere. I only played 10 holes Saturday and 3 holes Sunday and left the course. I had no peace all weekend. I left the track on Sunday after 2 races. Never have i done that before. My mind was gone and i needed to leave. I went home and watched on TV - even though i was 1 mile away.
I also think hearing Nikki's voice sound so bad and unemotional because her situation is horrible and getting worse is effecting me tremendously. My house of cards is falling. I need to be able to relax and focus and so far they both have been out of reach ...
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http://www.oprah.com/article/omagazine/200902_omag_beck
Was perusing Oprah's site and found this great article, by a great author Martha Beck. John, if you're not comfortable talking to someone about what you're feeling, read the article and begin the self-discovery process. You'll feel better, which is what I hope you find soon - comfort in not only the things you love, but in the difficult spaces too.
John, I'm sorry Nikki is having a tough time ... and that you are feeling her own pain and yours too. I agree with Jude...starting with a self-discovery process will give you some answers and also lead you to new options. It also sounds like Dr Swartz needs to know what's happening and what's not. Please take the time to check in with him. He can be your first line of help...but check out the article too.
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